Book of Days

Outside My Window
It is 10:10pm, therefore I see nothing. But as I sit here...alone...in the silence of the evening...I can hear the crickets chirping and the frogs croaking outside my window! :-)

My Thoughts
I am contemplating what plans I should make for the upcoming 4th of July. With the temperatures hovering in the mid 90's, my gut reaction is to stay indoors where it is cool...but the kid in me wants to find a festival, be out among others looking to celebrate the holiday, enjoy a bbq, and stick around for a beautiful display of fireworks!
Which one will win out? That is a decision that will more than likely take place the morning of July 4.

Today's Quote
"Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think they talk sense."

I Am Thankful For
My dog Morgan. He always knows when I need to be comforted...lying across my lap...looking at me with those big, brown, sad looking eyes begging to be petted! He is able to bring a serenity within me that no human can come close to.

From My Kitchen
This past weekend I tried two new recipes:
1. Not Yo Mama's Pasta Salad...aka: Bacon and Tomato Pasta Salad
2. Margarita Cake
The pasta salad, if I make it again, will be tweaked a little bit...and the Margaria Cake was absolutely amazing!

I Am Wearing
A white tiger striped night shirt

I Am Creating
Sarge makes custom leather journals...and after much pleading (lol)...he finally finished mine! Since I collect post cards from places I visit, this journal is being made into a travel journal of Sarge & snOw (my nickname)

My Adventures This Week
Monday I drove up to Asheville and spent the day with my son. We went to see "The Green Lantern" after spending the majority of the day supporting a friend of ours in a custody issue.
Tuesday was spent blackberry picking with Sarge. As of now, I have enough blackberries to do at least 3 runs of jam. I still need more to just can (blackberry juice is awesome for a belly ache!)
Today or tomorrow, Sarge and I are going into Charlotte to check out some motorcycles. I want to get my bike license and am in the market for a Kawasaki Vulcan.
Next week...busy, busy, busy!!!

Becoming Well Read
A Visit From The Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

I Manifest and Co-create (what are my hopes, dreams, prayers)
As I stated above, it is my dream to obtain my motorcycle endorsement on my drivers license, purchase a bike, and get back out on the open road!
I desperately miss riding! Craig was my biker...I loved "riding bitch"...enjoying the benefits of being able to just sit back and relax while he was in control. I've ridden once since his passing, and now I have decided it's time to get my own license and get back out there...on my own!

Today's Melody
Silent Lucidity by Queensryche

One Of My Favorite Things
My "new to me" treadmill! With putting on weight these last few months, getting back on the treadmill rejuvenates me! It's only been 12 days and I am already down 10 lbs!

Future Plans
Next week, not only is it the 4th of July, but it is my grand-daughter and son-in-laws birthday (on the same day!). We are attending my grand-daughters birthday party on Thursday, then on Saturday we are taking my daughter, son-in-law, his brother and his 2 nephews to Ft. Jackson for the day. (The water park at Ft Jackson is for military only on the weekends) The men are going to take advantage of the shooting range while my daughter, her nephews and I are going to hang out at the water park and pool. Then we are all going to go bowling and grill out by the lake! I can't wait to go!!

Still Life (a picture that speaks to me)


I need to trust myself more!

From My Training (skills, training, notes I would like to share)
My Westerrn Philosophy class is ending up being so much harder than I imagined and my Professional Research class is so much more enlightening and fun than I ever thought it could be! :-)

~ Live, Laugh, Love, Tweet, Sip ~
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Location:Sitting in the Den in my comfy chair...

Drafting Men Over 60

My "cousin-in-law", Pete, sent this to me and I just had to share it! It's too funny!

Drafting men over 60 (this is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier)

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is dangerous. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some people that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so hey. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatic.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone able to outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million old dudes with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

How about recruiting Women over 50 too....in menopause! You think Men have attitudes! If nothing else, put them on border patrol.... They'll have it secured the first night!












~ Live, Laugh, Love, Tweet, Sip ~
Posted from my iPad using Blogpress

Location:In my den...

Sarge (aka Norman)...

I write so much about Craig (which is my therapeutic outlet in helping deal with my grief), that it's time to veer off my normal path and write about Sarge. And what better place to start than at how we met.

Once upon a time...(lmao...my attempt at humor)

Home after a mentally exhausting day at work...sitting in the comfort and security of my living room...my standard one bubba burger (no bun, no vegetables...just the bubba burger because it was too much work to worry with anything else)...Morgan laying on the love seat beside me and Cesar laying on the opposite arm rest...feeling very sad and lonely, i decided to go online and look around. Just looking for a kind soul to talk to...Sarge appeared and started chatting. He was every bit a gentleman and we began to share life stories. How nice it was to feel like someone cared about the "woman" Nancy (I had lots of friends at work, but come 5pm they had their own families to go home to...and those that were friends outside of work, well, they were all married, too. I, personally, can only go along for so long feeling like a third wheel. And, of course, I had family...but again, they had spouses, jobs and lives of their own to live...and, God knows, I didn't want to become, or feel like I had become, a burden to anyone!!) We chatted for a day or two...and I realized I just could't do it. I felt like I was cheating on Craig...and it just felt so completely wrong!

Fast forward 6 months. I have moved from the huge home Craig and I shared, and have moved into a cute 2 bedroom apartment. I have to be honest, I don't know if I had even thought anymore about Sarge. I just know that one evening i am on line...he pops up...and he tells me how he had missed seeing me on line, chatting with me and wondered where I had gone to.

We talked for a few weeks and quickly became friends. I was stunned to find out he was living in Mars Hill, NC. I had spent 17 years living in that area when I was married to my first husband...and my adult son still lived there! Most importantly, he made me laugh! It had been so long since i had true laughter in my life, that to be around someone who could bring that back out in me was incredible! We then decided to meet face to face.

It was a Saturday and I already had plans to meet up with some friends in Darlington SC (my friends' husband was the lead singer of the band Cold Shot)...go to the club the band was performing at...spend the night and come home on Sunday. But before heading to Darlington, I made a side trip to Mars Hill. Ok...so it was massively out of my way, but I wanted to also visit with my son therefore I could combine the two visits and then head on to Darlington.

I met with my son that morning, having him hang around in the background when I went to meet Sarge in a public place for the very first time. After spending a little bit of time with Sarge and feeling very comfortable in the fact that I was safe, we gave Jonathan all of his contact details and Jonathan left. Sarge and I sat and talked for 8 solid hours. We laughed. We cried...me over Craig and him over his brother who was KIA in Iraq. We shared our childhood memories. We shared our hopes and dreams of the future...and then, with a sweet kiss, we parted ways.

With conflicting emotions...I began my drive to Darlington. Happy to be having a night out with my friends, yet conflicted over the pleasure and guilt I felt in physically meeting Sarge.

And that, my friends, is where our journey began....



~ Live, Laugh, Love, Tweet, Sip ~
Posted from my iPad using Blogpress

Location:Sitting at my dining room table

Drop Dead Diva

Yesterday I started watching the series Drop Dead Diva. I have been wanting to see this for quiet some time now...and thanks to NetFlix I can stream it straight to my iPad and start at the very beginning of the series.

For those that don't know what DDD is about, let me enlighten you in brief form:
A thin, beautiful model dies in a car wreck at the same time a full-figured attorney is shot and killed in her office. The model wants to come back...and is placed in the body of the overweight attorney. The model retains her memories and knowledge of her former self...obtains, in fragments, the intelligence of the attorney, and a mix of the two women emerge.

My desire to see the show has been from the standpoint of mindlessness. In watching the teasers about the show, it appeared to me to be a show of light entertainment and one that I could leisurely watch as I sit and do homework, yet one that I could find similarities with due to size and occupation. Imagine my surprise when I realized...the subtle messages of the show are causing me to take a good long look at myself and do some honest soul-searching as to who I've been, who I've tried to become and who I long to be. I have had to do some soul searching and come to grips with who the real Nancy is.

My entire life has been one of being the "f" word...fat. Starting in elementary school...Charles C Bell Elementary...I was put on diet pills and diets. One of the very last things my mom ever said to me was "Nancy, promise me when I die you will lose the weight." Right after she passed away (my very first day of high school), one of our neighbors was so kind as to start taking me to Weight Watchers with her...and from then on, it has been 35 years of fighting this burdensome, distressing, unrelenting battle!

While being married to Craig I had gotten to my heaviest. I weighed almost 400 lbs. And here is one of the reasons I love that man so freaking much...He loved me in-spite of myself!. He told me daily how very much in love with me he was...He was never ashamed to be seen in public with me and would never go anywhere without my company...He still, unbelievable, wanted to make love to me! I knew...for the love of Craig, for his fear of my dying too soon, and just for my ability to function on a daily basis...I had to lose weight. And I did!

With the death of Craig, I lost a great deal more weight...because I just quit eating! I had no appetite...no appetite for life and no appetite for food. I also realized...I no longer knew who I was. For 7 years I had been part of a team...Craig and Nancy. The only time you saw one without the other was when we were at work...and then we were on the phone all day long together (lol...just ask anybody I worked with!). I was now 46yrs old...alone...no direction...and a much, much slimmer body. It was then that I started with the plastic surgeries.

Even though I could...and did...justify the surgeries (they were very beneficial, even if I do say so myself)...I have come to believe it was something much deeper than "fixing the problems" of the see-saw battle with my weight. As I watch DDD, I am coming to realize I was trying to shed myself of the Nancy who was in agonizing pain of losing the man she thought she was going to grow old with. If I could get rid of her...I would stop hurting. If I could get rid of her...I could get rid of the guilt, the anger, the denial, the everything that came about with the death of Craig. It didn'tt work...because the weight is coming back!!

With all that being said...here is what watching DDD is showing me:

It's time that I accept who I am...chunky, fat, plus-size...it doesn't matter what you call it...I am who I am. But I am also articulate, intelligent, jovial, loyal, passionate, vivacious, etc, etc, etc. I am not going to spend the next 35yrs of my life driving myself crazy with dieting all the freaking time, apologizing for, once again, gaining weight and for falling short of what others think I should be. The next 35yrs is going to be spent focusing on the wonderfully positive aspects of Nancy...and I am going to LIVE!.

Thank you Drop Dead Diva for the spark it took to light the flame that is ME!


~ Live, Laugh, Love, Tweet, Sip ~
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Location:Sweet Meadow Ln, Clover, United States