Tomorrow is my 48th birthday...and Mother's Day.
Today...my daughter is throwing me a birthday party. :-)
I have never seen someone as excited as she is about a birthday party...well, except for the very first birthday of Craig's that we shared.
Jan 7, 2003. While Craig worked all day, I spent the day decorating the house with balloons, streamers, confetti, and Happy Birthday banners...made him a birthday cake AND bought him one also...planned an elaborated dinner at home (with me, Jonathan and Ashley)...and surprised the living crap out of him when he got home from work! I had never seen a grown man cry over someone caring enough about him to go to the trouble of throwing him a party, so needless to say, I was stunned when Craig welled up with tears. He had told me that his first wife never took the time of day...or went out of her way for him. No...not even for his birthday! He always felt that the only reason she ever married him was to get out of mom and dad's house...and that he never felt like a husband...never felt desired by her...never felt like a man "should" feel with his wife. That's probably just one of the reasons he had such hatred for her. I can't begin to describe the disdain Craig had for Dana. That's why it broke my heart to know that Craig's brother decided to call her recently. If he only knew how displeased Craig would be to know that...instead of picking up a phone and calling me to find out what information he wanted (instead he took cheap shots at me on facebook)...he called the one women on the face of this earth that Craig hated with a passion. I, first-handedly know that she has no concept of what "truth" is...even to the point of posting that I was the reason Craig had left her. That was the first lie I had to deal with. The fact is I never met Craig until AFTER he had moved to NC and had been living here for almost a month! The last lie, that I care to deal with, was her posting about what a wonderful person she was...and despite the fact that I am the reason for her and Craig's divorce...she sent flowers to the funeral home. Really?! Why the need to lie about the real reason they divorced AND the fact that she NEVER sent flowers. And Craig's brother knew all of this...and still it was Dana he chose to turn to instead of the woman whe loved Craig with every fiber of her being! But I guess that's not my burden to carry, is it? :-( How sad.
But alas...I will hold Craig close to my heart...be forever thankful that I was fortunate enough to meet someone who allows me to openly feel what I feel for Craig...and not have any insecurities in the life we are building with each other. I KNEW Craig would bring someone to me that would be able to handle all that I am going through...I KNOW Craig wants me to live...just like I KNOW Craig is watching over me...and he makes one hell of a guardian angel (along with my mom!).
And tonight...I will celebrate my birthday with all those that love me...whether they are here in person...or in spirit!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Book of Days
Outside my window
The only thing I can focus on outside my window right now is the fact that our yard needs mowing...again! Especially before my birthday party this coming Saturday!
My Thoughts
It is final exam time for this quarter...and I can't believe I survived taking 6 classes! I don't 'think' I'll do that one again! But I am one quarter closer to graduating and honoring the men who have made it possible for me to attend and fulfill my dream...Craig and Norman. Craig for giving me the courage to enroll (before he passed away) and for always being my biggest fan! Sarge for being there to emotionally support me. Whether I am having a mental breakdown from the stress of school...or an emotional breakdown with the love I still feel for Craig! Sarge is a very strong, secure and giving man...and he loves ME. What more can I say?
Today's Quote
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death (Harold Wilson)
I Am Thankful For
My Dad. I don't speak of him...and there are personal reasons for not doing so. Yet, if it were not for my dad, I would not be the strong woman I am today. He once told me..."Never, never depend on a man to give you what you want financially in life. If there is something you want...you get it yourself!" To this day...if nothing else ever sticks with me...that one piece of advice sticks! I do not...have not...and will NEVER depend on a man to financially give me all the things I want in life.
The reason this is in my mind today is because I know of someone who made the comment...right before their marriage..."Just think...when Andy dies I will get his 401K!" That absolutely sickens me! Why?
1. If that is the only reason you got married...you have no concept of what marriage is about.
2. Losing a spouse...when you are with them for all the RIGHT reasons...is never a cause for celebration! And when you grieve so hard and so much that you...over 2 years later...are seeing a psychologist to help you deal with that death, then you will understand what truly loving with your whole heart means!
3. Why not get off your dead ass and get a job! Quit depending on your former spouses money...and the prospects of your future dead husbands money. Get out there and make your own.
From My Kitchen
I didn't make it...but Sarge just baked us a Razzleberry Pie! We're just waiting for it to cool..then I'll have a cup of coffee and a piece of pie while studying for my exam.
I Am Wearing
Danskin workout pants and a t-shirt with the new Air Force Logo and Design..."Cross Into The Blue"
I Am Creating
Nothing as of right now...I still need to finish my cross stitch (and my daughter's blanket I started knitting)
My Adventures This Week
Well...my daughter has some kind of huge surprise planned for me Saturday. She is picking me up at 1pm, taking me to someplace (I have no clue where), I am suppose to be there for a couple of hours, and then my son will be picking me up to bring me home...then they have a big party planned for my birthday (with lots of 'over-night' guests...lmao). My daughter is doing all the decorating...making all the food except for what Sarge is going to be grilling...and has apparently ordered some kind of cake that is going to make me so very, very happy!
Becoming Well Read
I am now reading "Wherever You Go...There You Are Mindfulness Meditation In Everyday Life" by Jon Kabat-Zinn
I Manifest and Co-Create
My prayer this week:
Angel of God my Guardian dear,
To whom God's love commits me here;
Ever this day, be at my side
To light and guard
To rule and guide
Today's Melody
None...I am enjoying the peace and quiet
One Of My Favorite Things
My Pandora Braclet: I received 2 new charms this weekend to represent my daughter...an "A" for Ashley and a sea turtle (she has this facination with sea turtles)
The only thing I can focus on outside my window right now is the fact that our yard needs mowing...again! Especially before my birthday party this coming Saturday!
My Thoughts
It is final exam time for this quarter...and I can't believe I survived taking 6 classes! I don't 'think' I'll do that one again! But I am one quarter closer to graduating and honoring the men who have made it possible for me to attend and fulfill my dream...Craig and Norman. Craig for giving me the courage to enroll (before he passed away) and for always being my biggest fan! Sarge for being there to emotionally support me. Whether I am having a mental breakdown from the stress of school...or an emotional breakdown with the love I still feel for Craig! Sarge is a very strong, secure and giving man...and he loves ME. What more can I say?
Today's Quote
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death (Harold Wilson)
I Am Thankful For
My Dad. I don't speak of him...and there are personal reasons for not doing so. Yet, if it were not for my dad, I would not be the strong woman I am today. He once told me..."Never, never depend on a man to give you what you want financially in life. If there is something you want...you get it yourself!" To this day...if nothing else ever sticks with me...that one piece of advice sticks! I do not...have not...and will NEVER depend on a man to financially give me all the things I want in life.
The reason this is in my mind today is because I know of someone who made the comment...right before their marriage..."Just think...when Andy dies I will get his 401K!" That absolutely sickens me! Why?
1. If that is the only reason you got married...you have no concept of what marriage is about.
2. Losing a spouse...when you are with them for all the RIGHT reasons...is never a cause for celebration! And when you grieve so hard and so much that you...over 2 years later...are seeing a psychologist to help you deal with that death, then you will understand what truly loving with your whole heart means!
3. Why not get off your dead ass and get a job! Quit depending on your former spouses money...and the prospects of your future dead husbands money. Get out there and make your own.
From My Kitchen
I didn't make it...but Sarge just baked us a Razzleberry Pie! We're just waiting for it to cool..then I'll have a cup of coffee and a piece of pie while studying for my exam.
I Am Wearing
Danskin workout pants and a t-shirt with the new Air Force Logo and Design..."Cross Into The Blue"
I Am Creating
Nothing as of right now...I still need to finish my cross stitch (and my daughter's blanket I started knitting)
My Adventures This Week
Well...my daughter has some kind of huge surprise planned for me Saturday. She is picking me up at 1pm, taking me to someplace (I have no clue where), I am suppose to be there for a couple of hours, and then my son will be picking me up to bring me home...then they have a big party planned for my birthday (with lots of 'over-night' guests...lmao). My daughter is doing all the decorating...making all the food except for what Sarge is going to be grilling...and has apparently ordered some kind of cake that is going to make me so very, very happy!
Becoming Well Read
I am now reading "Wherever You Go...There You Are Mindfulness Meditation In Everyday Life" by Jon Kabat-Zinn
I Manifest and Co-Create
My prayer this week:
Angel of God my Guardian dear,
To whom God's love commits me here;
Ever this day, be at my side
To light and guard
To rule and guide
Today's Melody
None...I am enjoying the peace and quiet
One Of My Favorite Things
My Pandora Braclet: I received 2 new charms this weekend to represent my daughter...an "A" for Ashley and a sea turtle (she has this facination with sea turtles)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)